Anger journals

"I went from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds"

Angry and violent outbursts can often seem like they came from nowhere; everything is proceeding as planned, then a relatively small hiccup and suddenly we're in a rage. These can often leave us feeling bewildered, struggling to understand why we reacted so strongly to something that may seem trivial afterward.

Anger Journals can help us organize and record our thoughts and feelings during times when we act out. They list a series of prompts designed to help focus and clarify the situation and our reaction to it. With consistent practice many men find patterns in their behavior, shedding light on the events and feelings that lead to our violent outbursts.

In the next section we'll break down the questions to help guide you as you think through what happened.

You can download our Anger Journal sheet using the link at the bottom of this page.

Slow down and think carefully about what happened.

What was your anger level (1-10)?

We describe a "1" as being annoyed, but in control, with a "10" being blind, thoughtless rage.
Your scale will be personal to you; be deliberate and find what separates a "3" from a "7", for example.

Situation

How did it start?

What did you do?

How did you stop it?

Keep these to 1 sentence, focusing on facts, rather than feelings or judgements.

What did you feel physically?

Often when we think back, we notice specific places in our body that become activated when we are angry. What feelings do you notice in your body during these times?
Imagine you're watching yourself. What does your body look like?
Try to remember if you clenched your fists or your jaw. Maybe your heart beat faster or your breaths became shallow.
Any physical sensation can be a signpost.

Other behaviors

Some men report pacing the room or raising their voice; some speak in short, clipped sentences or call others names.
What did your violence look like? Be specific.

Negative self-talk

"You don't even care."; "Stop being so stupid."; "You can't tell me what to do!"
Can you identify thoughts or stories that appear when you're becoming angry?

Feelings underneath the anger

Anger can mask other feelings we don't want to feel.
Do you lash out when you feel sad, hurt or embarrassed?

Did you escalate the situation?

Did you take a time-out?

Did you work on Positive Self-Talk?

Short answers to these can be helpful to track behavior changes over time.

What are you feeling now?

Now that the situation is either stopped or paused, how are you feeling as you think through what happened?

When and why?

Anger Journals can be completed at any time after a violent outburst or a time when you notice you've become angry.

Many men complete these journals when they are on their Time Out and things are fresh in their mind. This can help diffuse anger by deliberately thinking through what happened and exploring our role in it.

Others prefer to wait until things are calmer and they are ready to take time to explore their behavior in detail.

With consistent practice, your Anger Journals will create a record of your reactions, feelings and strategies over time. This can provide tremendous insight by revealing patterns, allowing us to see that our behavior has definite causes, as well as physical and emotional signposts that can telegraph an abusive eruption.

Becoming aware of these can help us to identify when we are feeling or acting in a way that signals a blowup is coming. We can use this awareness to stop the violence and abuse before it starts.

Anger journals

"I went from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds"

Slow down and think carefully about what happened.

When and why?

Downloads

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